The will of my ego.
It’s a tough ask, Jane. It’s a tough ask to watch your thoughts, clean the trash inside, and solve the cluttered jumble inside the head.
You see, Jane, I have a deep ego. It runs deeper than all of the ancient emotions and feels I’ve got hidden, shoved, concealed right back in here, somewhere. You know this already, don’t you, Jane?
This ego eats me, engulfs me, and then enamors profusely at the sight of its triumph. If I hadn’t learned to ignore most of it at least some of the time, these walls would be painted with the inside of my brain.
Yes, over the years, I’ve learned to ignore, disregard a lot of it, but it’s still me, Jane. I am my own ego and if this ego ever becomes obsessed over something, there’s no way I am getting out of that situation.
But, you must know it, Jane. We are quite similar. Nobody else would get it, but you will.
Spiritually speaking, there’s nothing in this world that controls me, Jane. I’ve made this my mission, my singular aim to break all the barriers, taboos, or connections. No matter how dear, how darling it is to me, I kill it.
And I’ve suffered because of it, Jane. I’ve suffered dearly, I’ve paid for it, and yet, I continue to do so. Now, more than ever. Because, how can I stop this, Jane? I can’t!
For my ego demands of it, the stubborn in me demands of it, the intense psycho in me demands of it, and no one seems to understand this, but, I’m my ego. I’m my own fucking ego. Don’t they get it, Jane? Can’t these people, these monotonous, slow, boring people understand that?
I and my ego, we are one, Jane! And together, we achieve feats that these people talk and sing about in the folklores.
Together, obsessed, stubborn, and intense, we are strong, invincible, unafraid to kill our darlings, if we have to.
Together, we are more than enough. We don’t need anyone else by our side to make it easier as they do. And together, we are dark and evil, if we need to.
Jane, as I said, I try to disregard, ignore most of it, let it all play out in the background until and unless it all blows over, evidently.
Because if I don’t, the overwhelming nature of it all could very well force me to paint the walls with the inside of my brain. A splash on the sidewalk below isn’t out of the realm of possibility, either.
And, if it all didn’t quite happen in that order, and I survived to finally give in to fully embrace this side of me, this world will suffer.
This world will suffer terribly, and I will laugh at the face of it, unperturbed, clean, pure, clear of all the thoughts, trash, and jumbled mess.
Would you like that, Jane? Would you want that? Will you be able to afford that?
