What the mind needs is a little bit of clarity, Jane. I haven’t had the crazies for a long time now and it’s eating up the sane part of me.
There sure have been a few decent fuck ups and some wildly messy situations along the way that beautifully converged into one big ball of anxiety and fear.
And I’ve been living inside of that ball, forcibly cut off from all the crazies and intensities of the wild. You know, just another day in paradise!
Jane, I haven’t had the feels and urges of a man who’s almost on the verge of going mad and that’s the thing I miss the most. Is this the prelude of how this is going to be now?
Because it feels like, I have forever been stuck with a few ordinary moments of sanity and unspectacular.
The false hopes and wishes dangle invitingly as they promise me for things to turn out however it’s supposed to be anyway don’t matter what I do.
But this head has been flooded up with the trash of the ordinary and it has blocked my natural instincts.
Jane, the baseless and meaningless flow of thoughts brings me down but keeps me afloat too. My paradox.
I can’t stay like this, Jane, not for long.
There will come a moment, very soon, I can feel the fire burning again inside my ’empty’ and it won’t be long until I find that ‘zone’.
Even if it’s just for a moment, I will find that zone and things are going to change, Jane. And after a long, long time, longer than it has ever been, I will live again.
What the mind needs is a little bit of clarity, Jane. And that’s only possible with a little bit of the crazy.
